I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
