Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize