I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
