C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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