It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
