Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need water and some morals
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
