Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
