drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
