I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize