can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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