Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
