Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
