Your mouth is God's brothel.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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