New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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