I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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