we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
