So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
