tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
