Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
