Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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