so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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