Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Please, let me fuck your mom
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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