so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
