I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
