I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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