Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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