Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
