wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
