so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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