dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
