it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
