dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
