Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
