When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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