help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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