the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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