The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
