Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
honey bunches of taint.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
