how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
