I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he puts the penis in happiness.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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