It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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