My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
