did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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