Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
