I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
