In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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