You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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