I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
