Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
