Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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