Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
