So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize