somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
