glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
