Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Still dying that you shit outside
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
