you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
