we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
