Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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