Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
