Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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