After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize