I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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