I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sorry about my life...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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