I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish i was in the wii world.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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