Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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