is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
