Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
