i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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