you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
