11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
