I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
