There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
