He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
two words...techno handjob
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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