If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The struggles of a small town man whore
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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