Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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