I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
