just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
