So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
