i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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