I think I won the penis lottery.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
People in love make me want to vomit
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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