dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
