I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
