I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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