No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
