I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
