How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Randomize