y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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