At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
