hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
