fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
