I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
