There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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