You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
