Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
