I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Couch. On fire.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize