none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
