they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
