someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
