just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
