You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
