legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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